Sunday, 20 February 2011

Rant 4: WWF to WTF

I loves me some wrasslin'. 1997. Wrestlemania 13. Canadian legend Bret "the Hitman" Hart has "The Texas Rattlesnake" Stone Cold Steve Austin in his unbreakable Sharpshooter. With blood pouring down Austin's face, he wouldn't give up yet he passed from the pain. He lost the match but won over the admiration of the fans. Now that's what wrestling was my friends.

I fell in love with pro wrestling in late 1998. Stone Cold Steve Austin (still my all time fave), The Rock, Undertaker, Kane, D-X, Mick Foley were many of the badasses in my day. People will say the 80's were the peak but to me it will always 1998-2001  The Attitude era. The characters had a lot of thought put into the gimmicks from the undead to an Olympic gold medalist (even though he actually was). I still loved wrestling all the way 'till about early '05. I started to lose interest from there.

John Cena started to become the forefront of the company, which I didn't mind. I thought he had enough charisma and a decent amount wrestling ability. However I noticed there was more kids in the audience starting around this time, so as time went on Cena had to become tamer and tamer. As did Randy Orton. Rey Mysterio and Batista couldn't cut a promo to save their lives. By this point these guys were the face of the damn company.

I think my loss of interest peaked in 2007 when one my favorite wrestlers, Chris Benoit, did some really heinous things. It wasn't the fact what he did was awful but the fact the WWE (They got the F out hahaha get it....Yeah I know it's gay just go with it) handled it very poorly. In end the entire history of Benoit was erased. I think the only new wrestler I liked was CM Punk at this point.

One day I was 16 and I was thinking to myself "why did I stop watching wrestling? I must of just outgrown it. I mean only pre teens like that fake stuff anyway right?" And then I saw a video of Stone Cold flipping off the world, Kurt Angle flashing off the gold medals, Undertaker walking to a fiery background, Mankind flying off a 15 foot steel structure, The Rock's head and arm held high in pure cockiness, Jeff Hardy launching himself at the Dudleyz through a table, and Rob Van Dam with the old ECW crew.  I suddenly remembered: "Holy shit, that's why I loved wrestling. They actually had imagination and creativity".

I hate when anything takes a step back. In the 1980's Hulk Hogan would get destroyed for 85% of the match then  out of no where he would become the love child of Chuck Norris, Jesus, and a Super Saiyan. He would land a big boot and leg drop and be victorious. Which was cool I loved watching Hogan "Hulk Up" as a kid. However as wrestling evolved we didn't want the goody-two-shoes we wanted a badass. In the late 1990's the ratings grew because people who didn't like wrestling started to watch, including people over 25.

Think of this way: You had the owner of a billion dollar company getting flipped of by a redneck who proceeded to hit with a inanimate object and ram his bosses throat into his shoulder. After that he would celebrate with a few Buds. That's great scripting. You don't have to be a wrestling fan to like that! That's the dream of every working man. Hell, if you've ever had a job you've probably fantasized about these situations.

Here we are in 2011 were John Cena basically "Hulks up" and does his FU, I mean his Attitude Adjustment  (Gotta keep it PG) and wins. Also, because WWE is PG and there's no more blood and if someone happens to be cut you gotta sew them up. I remember when Triple H was opened up every second match.  It's official, professional wrestling has gone backwards after one and a half decades of growing.

Well that's how Vince McMahon shit on my childhood. ten years ago today Kurt Angle was champ. As of now the champ is ....The Miz!! Gross! Congrats on getting a new fan base but the finger goes up to alienating your old one. Do I still like the still like the WWE? Absolutely not but the WWF is whole other story.

Well thanks for reading. Leave your comments and opinions below!

Rant 3: The Good, The Bad, and The Indie

I loves me some Canadian music. Be it the hardcore awesome of Fucked Up and Cancer Bats, the wicked lyrics of Shad and Rascalz, or the corny but lovable nostalgia of BTO and Rush. Many groups kick ass from here. There some bad shit to come from Canada of course like Nickleback  or Justin Bieber. On the plus side that stuff is fun to have a go at because it's so bad, and it has the character to get it's balls broken. However in recent years Canada has become obsessed with one thing: indie music. Not like indie as in independent but indie as in a "genre" of reeeally bland music.

I remember being in grade 7. I would read a lot magazines as a kid. I noticed in the music mags they all had a huge boner over an album called Funeral. Then one day I went home and watched some MuchMusic. The host was hyping this video up: "One of the best to happen to Canadian music in years. Montreal's Arcade Fire with Rebellion (Lies)."  My friend and I were interested to see what this vid was. Then something strange happened, my friend and I just phased out and started talking. It wasn't hurtin' enough to razz it but not good enough to praise it. It was just...there.

Ironically Canada is known as boring so it's fitting we like this music. Now we're loaded with this music: Metric, Feist, Tegan & Sara, Stars, among others. Some of it good, most of it bland. Then it spread to other countries and we have horsecock like Vampire Weekend, Florence+ The Machine, Modest Mouse, and Franz Ferdinand.

Think of it this way. Commercial music is supposed to be in the background right?  This is so it won't take your mind off the product. That's why so much hipster music is in these commercials. It basically elevator tunes. My friends were telling me how there was an Arcade Fire song in the Were the Wild Things Are trailer. I didn't even notice.

I've never heard any mainstream media criticize this music because it's "brilliant." I have to stop this hype. It's because the hipster has become Canada's biggest export. Take your Starbucks, glasses you don't need, awful facial hair, your liberal arts degree and shove it up your ass!   I would rant on hipsters but that would take seven pages. I'll just say this. Don't you find it funny how there aware of everything except for the fact they're a hipster. I find that hilarious, anyway back to my rant

Before everyone kills me for this note. I like The Pixies, The Smiths (pre 500 Days of Summer), Radiohead among other kind of college music stuff. I also like Regina Spektor, mainly because I find pretty hot not her music. I think this indie obsession is just a fad anyway. I 'll actually quote Florence + Machine "The dog days are over." When this stuff fades away, they will be. I can proudly say this rant won't be found on Pitchfork Media

That's what I think of that ear sodomy. Oh, and one more thing, Win Butler stop trying to be Thom Yorke. Your not. Kid A and OK Computer are good albums. You don't' know what good albums are

That's my opinion and leave your comments below!

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Rant 2: Careful what you wish for. You might get a guido

I loves me some television. Not so much anymore. After 2004 people became obsessed with reality TV. Now we're willing to watch everyday people do random jobs: pawn shops, tattoo shops, cake shops, motorcycle shops. I can't wait till Me and my gruff redneck son make "AMERICAN BLOUSE MAKER."  That shit is gonna be huge. However there is one program that came out in late 2009 that makes me question society.

Now, I still love TV from time to time but  I remember a little spin off called "The Hills." It was a dumb reality drama show and I only saw a few episodes but I really didn't like it. I wished it would end because I couldn't believe why so many people were fascinated with these rich and good looking Californian kids.

Well it finally did come to an end and I was satisfied. This was true, but then something horrible happened. I started noticing adds for a show about the beach coast of New Jersey. They went a little something like this: "Coming to MTV next fall! the tanned, buff, partying kids of JERSEY SHORE!." A terrified "OH DEAR GOD, NO!!!" came out of my mouth.

  Let me put it this way. Do you remember the YouTube video My New Haircut, well that video was making fun of the Jersey club culture. So as soon as a show about the youth in New Jersey came out I had to panic a bit. It can't be that bad right? New Jersey is the same place that produced Bruce Springsteen, Kevin Smith, and made Martin Brodeur a goal tending legend. Then I saw the cast and a small part of me felt nauseous.

If the kids who made fun of you in high school got their own TV series, it would be Jersey Shore. The worst part is teenagers love this garbage. I know kids who will say things like "GTL" and "T Shirt time".  I don't know what that means but I've heard it's from this show. I checked out one episode and it involved some midget girl getting punched in the a man. Classy MTV, classy.

 It never bothered me too much when people said "I watch the show because I'm laughing at them. It's a so bad it's good kind of idea." So I figured "Oh people like this show about scumbags because it's ridiculous. I guess that makes some sense." Then again I hear people say stuff like "I love Snooki and The Situation!" Do people seriously think these jerkoffs are cool?!

At least with the Hills there was a small bit of class, not a promiscuous sex and booze fest. At least Lauren Conrad and Kristin Cavallari were a couple of hotties, not the four foot love child of an oompa loompa and The Bride of Frankenstein. At least LA backdrop was nice to look at, not the sleazy Miami and New Jersey club scene. I rather see Bruce Jenner's asshole of a son then those orange, guido, fist throwing, steroid popping hurtbags   

So that's why I say careful what you wish for because as bad as I wanted The Hills of the air, I would do anything do get Jersey Shore off of TV for good. If that means The Hills would have to come back, Then I would have to tolerate it. Besides, Whitney Port is a lot easier on the eyes then that J-Wow girl.

Lasts but not least it make me sad that people rather watch crap like Jersey Shore then a show like Jesse Ventura's Conspiracy Theory. It shows you the evils of HAARP, the food companies, Obama's cabinet, and liars behind global warming. But I guess Jello shots are more important.

Well that's my rant leave your opinions and comments below!  

Rant 1: Eminem factor

I loves me some hip hop. Public Enemy, Wu Tang Clan, Beastie Boys, Ice Cube, Cypress Hill, Eric B and Rakim, Kanye West, Common, Nas, Notorious BIG, and representing my home country Shad, K'naan and Classifed. I also enjoy many others but that would take far too long to list all. I strongly dislike Rick Ross, Lil Wayne, TI, Ludacris, 50 Cent and other crap like that but that's another rant for another time.

 What I do dislike is when I talk to other Caucasian people about rap and hip hop I often get two answers that I hate the most. Here's the second worst answer: "All rap is shit!"  Now I know your thinking "What answer is worse then that?" Well, it goes a little something like this  "All rap is shit....but I like Eminem. He's just different you know?"

 Now I think Mr. Mathers is awesome myself. Infinite, the Slim Shady LP, and the Marshall Mathers LP are  great albums. Yet, when people answer this way their ignorance infuriates me beyond belief. Whats even worse is they ALL defend their answer the same damn way. "Eminem doesn't rap about girls,cars, or drugs, He raps about real life and is serious!" 

"He doesn't rap about drugs or women?" What? Just because he doesn't discuss "Yayo" or the "Chronic"? He still talks about about Valium, Vicodin,  and numerous sleeping pills. As for women, he constantly raps about his ex-wife Kimberly Mathers. There are songs which talk about raping her and slitting her throat. I will also add in the song "Superman" he claims "Bitches they come they go." They are good song but the still talk about girls.

As for saying he's the only rapper who talks about real life. That's ridiculous. Listen to any rapper pre '95 and I guarantee there will be themes of Afrocentricity, government issues, poverty and gentrification , and the horrors (not glorification) of drugs and weaponry.

"All his songs are serious though!" Reeeeaaaly? A song about your "pee pee" going "da doing doing doing" or a song about shoving a gerbil up your rectum doesn't strike me as serious, thought provoking lyrics. He has numerous comedy songs, most of which are juvenile but hilarious. However if Snoop Dogg or Kanye West make a goofy song it's automatically trash.          

 People will also claim his beats are different. He is from Detroit which had a big horrorcore scene. Esham and Insane Clown Posse also similar style dark beats. Rappers like The Gravediggaz and  Necro are also non Detroit horrorcore artists.

Eminem is damn good but why do so many people ONLY like him. *ahem*.........IT"S BECAUSE HE"S FUCKING WHITE! They don't realize it but it's in their subconscious. So they play off as if it's some sort of je ne sais quoi when it's clearly not. Now, when people say "I hate rap  but for whatever reason I just seem to like that Eminem fellow" I turn, look at them, and in my best Paul Lemieux stern voice-stare combo I say "It's cause he's white bro, it's cause he's white."

Before you comment keep in mind I'm not saying people only like Shady cause he's white. I'm saying people who only like Shady like him because he's white but think it's because "he's so different!" It's not just hip hop. There were some African-Americans who never gave a flying rats ass about politics until Obama got in to the public eye. Hmmmm I wonder why? Dur dur durrrr

Well that's my rant about my musical pet peeve. Leave your comments and opinions below!